“ADVICE TO UNMARRIED LADIES

If you have blue eyes, languish.

If black eyes, leer.

If you have pretty feet, wear short petticoats.

If you are the least doubtful as to that point, let them be rather long.

If you have good teeth, don’t forget to laugh now and then.

If you have bad ones, you must only simper.

While you are young sit with your face to the light.

When you are a little advanced, sit with your back to the window.

If you have a bad voice, always speak in a low tone.

If it is acknowledged that you have a fine voice, never speak in a high one.

If you dance well, dance but seldom.

If you dance ill, never dance at all.

If you sing well, make no previous excuses.

If you sing indifferently, hesitate not a moment when you are asked, for few persons are competent judges of singing, but everyone is sensible of a desire to please.

If in conversation you think a person wrong, rather hint of a difference of opinion than offer a contradiction.

If you find a person telling an absolute falsehood, let it pass in silence, for it is not worth your while to make anyone your enemy by proving him a liar.

It is always in your power to make, a friend by smiles — what a folly to make enemies by frowns.

When you have an opportunity to praise, do it with all your heart.

When you are forced to blame, appear at least, to do it with reluctance.

If you are envious of another woman, never show it but by allowing her every good quality and perfection except those which she really possesses.

If you wish to let the world know that you are in love with a particular man, treat him with formality and every one else with ease and freedom.

If you are disposed to be pettish or insolent, it is better to exercise your ill-humour on your dog, your cat, or your servant than on your friends.

If you would preserve your beauty, rise early.

If you would preserve esteem, be gentle.

If you would obtain power, be condescending.

If you would live happy, endeavour to promote the happiness of others.”

Source: Bathurst Free Press (NSW:1849-1851), Sat 10 Nov 1849

Take a bow

A North Queensland cane farmer lost his set of false teeth near Helenvale after falling ill during a drive in his utility truck. He stopped and drove back with his wife to search for them but couldn’t locate them. He told some people in town of his fate and had a new set made. One day, on visiting the town’s hotel, he was informed by the hotelkeeper that the teeth were in his possession. A tin prospector had come across them in a bower bird’s nest!

Source: Sydney Morning Herald (Sunday Nov 04, 1962)

Smoking ain’t good for the teeth

During the course of a test match at the Sydney Cricket Ground, two Braidwood spectators, sitting on the grass, with coats off and folded up beside them, noticed a strong smell of something burning. One of the men was smoking a cigarette. They made a hurried examination of their coats, thinking a spark had dropped and was smouldering. The search revealed nothing, but the burning smell persisted. Eventually one of the two accidentally examined his cigarette. Embedded in the tobacco was a half-burnt human tooth !
Source: The Braidwood Dispatch & Mining Journal (NSW: 1888-1954) Fri 25 Dec 1936

A site dedicated to smiles

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