The Sultan of Turkey, it is said, once suffered much from toothache, and the dentist having inspected the royal patient’s teeth declared that one of them must be drawn. In order to give the Sultan nerve, a slave was brought to his apartment and had a tooth extracted. The slave, however, bore the operation so very badly that it had just the opposite effect to that which was intended, and the Sultan, thinking the remedy worse than the disease, declined to submit himself to the forceps. A little later on the faulty tooth again became troublesome, and again the Sultan sent for the dentist, who reiterated his former opinion that the offending tooth must come out. So a second slave was summoned and underwent torture. He yelled louder than the first and for a second time Abdul Hamid declined to be relieved through such an ordeal. The attacks of toothache continued to occur, yet when eight slaves had been operated upon, the Sultan had not gathered up sufficient courage.
Source: The Armidale Chronicle, 08 Dec 1897
A professor of speech at Teacher’s College in New York, quoted in the “New York Times” said: When a person can recite the following without difficulty, his speech is normal:
Are our oats here?
Many a Wit is not a whit wittier than Whittier.
The menu is not less important than the men you meet.
His suit shoaWed spots of suet and soot.
Why don’t you try it?
Source: Western Argus, Tuesday 26 May 1936
While a one year old baby was sitting at the Southwold sands, he decided to sink his two erupted teeth into the ear of his father’s bull terrier, which howled and ran away to sulk for the rest of the day!
Source: The Advertiser, Thursday 12 August 1937
A man with a toothache made a false confession to the English police that he was a much wanted bandit to have his tooth extracted free of charge by the prison dentist!
He proved successful in his bid…
Source: News, Wednesday 1 February 1933
A doctor in North Carolina found a tooth with a crown and roots growing in the foot of a 13 year old boy!
He was pleased to report that the tooth was removed without complication.
Source:The Canberra Times, Monday 23 January 1978
A clerk, whose false teeth suddenly disappeared from his dressing table the previous night, offered a reward for their recovery. A young man took up the offer, visited the house, and from a hole beside a stump, he extracted many odds and ends, including his prize.
Attached to the false teeth was a rubber grip which had been gnawed by the culprit – a rat!
Source: Western Star and Roma Advertiser, Wednesday 10 January 1934
A well known footballer from the northern district of New South Wales, wrote to a Meredith friend regarding the ferocity of the Winter season. He related how one night, before going to bed, he left his false teeth in a cup of water only to wake up in the morning and find them embedded in ice!
Source: The Horsham Times, Friday 21 August 1925
My kitchen sink is a gastronomic warzone
of food scraps, glass, metal and china
a lingering fusion of spice
drip drops of tomato sauce and olive oil
splattered all over the hotplate and tile wall
like a Pro Hart canvas
leftovers are scraped into the tidy bin,
well, according to Murphy’s Law
some land onto the floor
making a mess of the whole damned thing,
after each squeeze, the detergent bottle bubbles
the last erupting beads of lemon scented liquid
prove stubbornly resistant
spa steam rises making me sweat
water trickling from my brow into the salt lake
triangle at the front of my neck
I suppose that rubber glove on my submerged right hand is a hole in disguise
as my fingers start to swell becoming twice their original size
each utensil blindly lifted from the milky tub is a lathered revelation
and randomly driven about the basin
the last stubbornly concealed from elevation
crockery chips on the stainless steel tap when I don’t concentrate
oops, there goes another set!
plates are piled high in the super bowl
elevating Archimedes principle
dam! (or was that Eureka!) a wavelength spills onto the splash back
and in my panic I unplug the sinkhole
fingers fumbling in desperation to seal the sucking! chasm
at last, all is rinsed and strategically stacked onto the drying rack
until it suddenly topples over as I turn my back,
casseroles crashing to the ground giving me a heart attack
I wipe down cupboards, hood, hotplate, bench, microwave, oven, sink,
and mop the kitchen floor, but of course
when I take the rubbish out there’s a !@#$%^ tear in the plastic!