Category Archives: Politics

Turkish Delights

The Sultan of Turkey, it is said, once suffered much from toothache, and the dentist having inspected the royal patient’s teeth declared that one of them must be drawn. In order to give the Sultan nerve, a slave was brought to his apartment and had a tooth extracted. The slave, however, bore the operation so very badly that it had just the opposite effect to that which was intended, and the Sultan, thinking the remedy worse than the disease, declined to submit himself to the forceps. A little later on the faulty tooth again became troublesome, and again the Sultan sent for the dentist, who reiterated his former opinion that the offending tooth must come out. So a second slave was summoned and underwent torture. He yelled louder than the first and for a second time Abdul Hamid declined to be relieved through such an ordeal. The attacks of toothache continued to occur, yet when eight slaves had been operated upon, the Sultan had not gathered up sufficient courage.

Source: The Armidale Chronicle, 08 Dec 1897

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FEMME FATALE CLICHÉ

 The practice door opens.

I see her slowly walk towards me,

wearing a short, tight skirt, big hips swaying.

Silk stockings hug her long legs, further heightened by big heels.

She is wearing one of those skintight, semi see-through shirts,

top buttons undone, providing a glimpse of her big chest.

She gives me a sexy smile with her big, red lips.

She says “hi” with that big, sugary voice.

As we make small talk, she flicks about her big, blonde hair.

Her head tips back revealing the translucent skin of her neck with its big pulse.

She lightly touches my shoulder and laughs with her big, white teeth.

Her big, baby blue eyes now look directly into mine.

The health company representative is ready to make her big sales pitch…

THAT’LL BE THE DAY (WARNING: If you are a little squeamish, you may want to look away from this post….)

The DAY that you face a man fixed before you

The DAY that your memory fills with that man’s scent

The DAY that you skin that man

The DAY that you scalp that man

The DAY that you sink into that man’s muddy eye

The DAY that you squeeze solid breath from that man’s lungs

The DAY that you extricate that man’s heart and place it in a heap

The DAY that you bisect that man’s brain, soaking liquid down both arms

The DAY that you head home wearing that man’s fragmented remains

The DAY that you awaken attempting to appease your conscience,

where he and the Almighty is concerned;

 

THAT is the day, Mr M.B.A, when you can rationalise your meddling with my

Hippocratic Oath.

 

Key: M.B.A = Master of Business Administration

21ST CENTURY PRACTICE

Dear Client

 

I am pleased to announce that following conferment of an honorable degree,

the study of which took several years to complete by means of an enduring loan subsidy,

my lifelong ambition of at last becoming a practising health care professional is to take place

at such and such address.

There, I will be joining a group of like-minded individuals who work tirelessly

under the auspices of highly remunerated business executives, solely

for the love of the profession, rather than for any meaningful financial compensation.

As you may be aware, we are extremely fortunate in that the current climate of deregulation, macroeconomics and globalisation,

has revolutionized the nature of our industry. In remaining competitive,

Fordism has been implemented,

to provide the best return for your money.

We are not swayed from any goals, aims or objectives of the organization set forth by our managing superiors in exchange for autonomy or respect. Our motto is, “the client must be attained and retained at all costs”.

 

I look forward to seeing you

 

Yours

 

Rhea List MBBS, BDS, BOPTOM, BPHYS, BPHARM (UAus) etc., etc.,etc.

Sticky Fingers

Why did 150 girls working in a shoe factory in Richmond, Victoria call on a strike?

Well, one of their grievances was that their new forewoman objected to them chewing gum during working hours.

The director of the company supported the forewoman, claiming that chewing gum was detrimental to the girls’ work, as their hands became sticky!

 

Source: The Sydney Morning Herald, Wednesday 28 August 1929